Dealing with Depression

July 31, 2008 By Leave a Comment

The word depression is used to describe a range of moods, from the low spirits we all experience occasionally to a severe problem with interferes with our daily lives. Making a distinction between the two can be difficult, which means depression can go unrecognized in some people. The good news is that depression can be effectively treated in most people if caught in time.

The longer treatment is delayed the worse the depression is likely to get and the longer it can take for the treatment to take full effect. A natural remedy may take longer to work than medication from your GP so it is helpful to have other forms of support to use alongside e.g. using essential oils, relaxation techniques, talking to close friends etc

Recognize the signs

• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, self blame, feeling out of control and unable to cope
• Feeling tired and lethargic
• Poor concentration, indecisiveness, forgetfulness
• Loss of appetite and weight loss or an increase in appetite and weight gain
• Changes to your normal sleeping pattern – either insomnia or wanting to sleep all the time
• Restlessness or agitation
• An urge to cry all the time
• Lack of interest in sex

Different types of depression

Depression comes in many forms, with no two cases being the same. It is possible however to divide it into broad categories, although in real life there is often an overlap

Reactive depression
Triggered by trauma. This may be physical, such as a serious injury or accident or psychological such as bereavement or divorce. Counselling, loving family and friends and other practical or emotional support are often all that is needed. However, a reactive depression could continue to interfere with someone’s life if any other, older problems are brought to the surface.

Endogenous depression
This tends to be more severe than reactive depression. It is more to do with a person’s personality rather than an external event, and can happen at any time. The person’s mood tends to be worse at the beginning of the day and can be marked with periods of guilt and self doubt.

Manic depression/Bio polar disorder
This type of depression is marked by mood swings, from highs of excessive energy and elation to lows of utter despair and lethargy. These moods may occur directly after each other or may alternate with varying periods of stability.

Post-natal depression
This usually strikes between the 3rd and 10th day after the birth and is thought be caused by the sudden drop in the female hormones oestrogen and progesterone. It is believed that approx 50% of new mothers suffer from “baby blues” to some degree; they don’t usually last for long but some women suffer a much deeper, longer-lasting depression and a few women can end up needing hospital care. Swift treatment for post-natal depression is essential but counselling can often sort things out satisfactorily.

Masked depression
Usually reactive, occurring in people who have suffered trauma but don’t react in the “normal” way. On the surface the person appears to be quite happy but there can be physical problems such as a loss of energy or appetite or disturbed sleeping patterns.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD Syndrome)
This is a form of winter depression that affects approx a million people in the UK especially during December through to February. In addition, there are many people who are thought to be affected by the winter blues, a mild form of SAD. Symptoms include sleep problems, lethargy, a craving for carbohydrates, anxiety, loss of sex drive, mood swings and general irritability.
It is believed that SAD syndrome may be linked with a faulty production of serotonin, a brain chemical that helps control mood swings or it could be caused by increased levels of melatonin, the hormone produced by the pineal gland in the brain as darkness falls, which induces sleep.
The most effective treatment for SAD syndrome is light, so spend as much time as possible outside in natural daylight or if you are in the house sit next to a window.

TOP TIP: Counselling Spain says; You can also buy light boxes which contain fluorescent tubes – you sit in front of these for a period of time and they pump out the same level of light you would expect on a bright, spring morning.

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Common Worries and Advice to Combat Them

July 30, 2008 By Leave a Comment

1. Checking….and checking….and checking

One day you notice an odd shaped mole on your leg for the first time and you think to yourself “I should get that checked in case it’s cancerous” and you make a mental note to book an appointment with your doctor. That is a sensible reaction. But what if you check it again an hour later and then an hour after that and then an hour after that? Every time you check that mole your brain registers that nothing has changed and therefore it must be all the checking that is keeping the potential cancer at bay. You need to retrain your brain by gradually cutting down your checking of anything – did you lock the door, did you switch the oven off, did you send that important email and so on. When you feel the urge yet again to check your “sent” folder, get up and do something else instead. At first, you may find it difficult but after a few days you will find you have less of a desire to “just make sure” so regularly. What will then happen in your brain is that the action of checking will no longer be connected to the positive result.

CONFIRM ONCE AND THEN MOVE ON………….

2. Putting things off

Guess what? Procrastination is just another form of worrying. When you procrastinate, you put off doing things you don’t feel totally comfortable doing or are anxious about, instead of getting on with them. For example, you have overspent on your debit card but you are scared to check your bank balance; you put off looking until the very last minute and then get charged because you have gone over your overdraft. No one can blame you for not wanting to face a big overdraft but ignoring important issues just makes your anxiety worse. You need to ask yourself what the cost and benefit will be of facing what you dread now. It may be that you get some bad news but at least you will know what you are dealing with sooner rather than later, when the situation may be harder to change.

Another way to avoid procrastination is to tackle the things you hate to do first thing in the morning therefore leaving an entire worry-free day ahead of you!

FACING YOUR FEARS HEAD-ON ALLOWS YOU TO STOP WORRYING…

3. Practice, practice and more practice

Being well prepared is a good way to gain confidence before entering into any stressful situation. However, there is such a thing as trying to be too perfect. For example, if you hate speaking in public you rehearse your speech for hours. The good news is that your speech goes really well but the bad news is that you feel mentally drained afterwards! The point I am making here is that you could have been just as prepared after 3 hours practice instead of spending 10 hours practising. With those extra 7 hours you could have done something else which was a lot more relaxing.

To prevent yourself from overdoing it, set a limit from the beginning on how much time you are going to spend on a particular project. If you still feel the need to prepare more after your time limit, remind yourself of the work you have already done. Then, when you experience success without a huge investment of time you will begin to trust yourself and your strengths more.

LISTEN FOR, AND TRUST, THE INTERNAL CLUES THAT TELL YOU YOU HAVE PREPARED ENOUGH…..

4. Think it over….and over…..and over….

Ruminating or mulling over a problem or decision over and over again is something that women in particular are very good at (sorry ladies!). When you ruminate about something it is because there is some reality you just can’t swallow. For example, you hit if off with someone you’ve recently met and arrange to meet again but they never ring. Why not? You sit there going through all these different scenarios as to why they never rang, searching for a clear answer.
People who regularly ruminate believe that if they keep thinking things through, it will all eventually make sense. The reality is some things never make sense!! It is important to recognise and remind yourself that there is a limit to what you are able to know and understand or control.

I very often meet people who say to me “I am a born worrier and will never change”. Believe me, if you genuinely want to stop spending your life worrying about everything, try out some of the advice in this article and you will see a difference!

Counselling Spain says: There are people in this world who want to spend their lives worrying about everything; that is their choice so you need to respect it and let them get on with it…. after all WHY WORRY ABOUT IT?

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Why Worry?

July 29, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Most of us get the occasional stomach-churning bout of worry but just because we all get butterflies doesn’t mean worrying is a healthy habit – it isn’t! When you worry, you are living in a future world that may not ever happen. Also, just because you don’t know a future outcome it doesn’t mean it’s going to be negative.

Worry can motivate you to do things like warning your children not to talk to strangers or double-checking directions to get somewhere- these reactions are pretty normal. Worry only becomes ineffective when, for example, you are still contemplating getting lost even though you have mapped out your route and printed out the directions. In other words you have taken steps to insure a positive outcome yet you still spend time and energy on expecting a negative result.

There are ways to reduce how much you worry about things. It takes practice but what it boils down to is changing how you think about the world and really believing that tomorrow is going to bring something great not something awful.

Here are a few of the most common ways in which we worry along with simple advice to help put worry behind you.

1. Seeking constant reassurance

There is no harm in getting a second opinion about something but asking for it repeatedly is not useful. This is because it’s easy to second-guess any answer you get especially if you doubt yourself to begin with. For example you are worried that your partner no longer finds you attractive so you ask them. They reply (hopefully!!) “Of course I find you attractive” but you’re not convinced so you ask them again…and again…and again…

No reply they give provides you with the absolute certainty you need; at this point you need to stop and ask yourself why you are not taking the answer at face value. Are you hoping to validate your fears? At the end of the day the answer you have been given is the only one you are going to get so accept it then take steps that will help you believe in yourself – without having to rely on feedback from others.

ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL, AND WORK ON WHAT YOU CAN…..

2. Ignoring your worries

Maybe you fear losing your partner? When the thought pops up, you put it right out of your mind. By not allowing yourself to think about this fear for even a second you think you are not worrying about it. In reality what you are actually doing is reinforcing your fear by not facing it….
Repeat to yourself “It is always possible that I may lose my partner”; your anxiety levels will shoot up at first but, after a few minutes, you will calm down as the thought loses its power. By doing this you will discover that because you are thinking about the worst-case scenario it doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen.

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEARS AND YOU WILL REDUCE THEIR POWER….

3. Arming yourself with irrelevant information

It’s a good idea to gather as much information as you can about something that is bothering you but the value of it depends on the type of information you have collected. For example, if you are worried about flying and Google “plane crashes” you will find lots of information about terrible accidents. But what if you looked for “safe plane landings” instead? It is called Confirmation Bias – wanting to prove your fear is real and then finding information that confirms it. You need to ask yourself “Am I collecting useful information or am I just confirming my fear?”

Holistic Therapies Spain says: WEIGH UP THE VALUE OF YOUR SOURCES AND ALWAYS THINK ABOUT BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY….

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Fight Your Fears

July 28, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Most of us have experienced each of the fears mentioned or seen other people experience them. They can have a dramatic effect on individuals and the world in which we live…

Take some time to think about yourself and your life…what aspects are you unhappy with and would like to change? What fears lie behind these aspects? It is not always easy to identify fears as they can be subtle, persuasive or addictive silently directing your behaviour. Recognising them and their influence can be complex and may involve taking a long, hard look at your life.

Fear encourages us to stay stuck and not to embrace change. The more you dislike or avoid change the greater your underlying fears. If the unexpected disturbs you, then fear is holding you in its grip.

For most of us overcoming our fears (of whatever) takes time and we also need a real desire to want to put the fear to bed.

The following sayings are ones that I have found useful over the last few years – if any resonate with you put them where you can refer to them regularly and keep repeating them to yourself.

Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness

Ships in harbour are safe but that is not what ships are for

Security is not having things, it’s handling things

Whenever you feel “I am afraid” replace it with “ I am excited”

Replace “I am vulnerable” with “I am protected”

Meditate to help release your fears

Here is a simple meditation which you can do to help release any fears you may have. Start by deciding which fear is the one you would most like to get rid of now…there is no need to rush the meditation, just go forward at a gentle and unhurried pace.

• Focus on the specific fear
• Breathe slowly in and out, visualising your breath washing the fear until it is totally transparent
• When you have done this, see the fear in your mind’s eye burst into flames and burn itself out
• As it is burning, feel peaceful energy flow out of your heart and into the rest of your body, your mind and your daily life
• As you practice, you will feel a weight being lifted from your shoulders and your fear will lose its sting
• As you become aware of this, breathe slowly and see yourself covered in a halo of flames which cannot hurt you but which are just burning away all obstructions
Counselling Spain says: Remember, when you worry about things or are scared of something happening you create negative energy and according to the spiritual law of attraction you will end up attracting the things you don’t want into your life…

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The biggest fear is fear itself

July 27, 2008 By Leave a Comment

There is an ancient Tibetan spiritual and religious discipline called Bon whose belief is that the way we think affects everything we do. They believe that to become emotionally and spiritually rich we need to learn how to think skilfully. They also believe that by understanding and transforming our thoughts it is the key to overcoming one of the biggest obstacles in our lives which is fear.

According to Bon there are 12 types of fear that dominate our lives. We may feel one, several or most of these fears and they can become part of our emotional reality from very early on. Yet we are all capable of living without fear, we just need to be careful with our thoughts and start to examine how we live our lives.

The 12 types of fear are divided into two categories – fears within our minds and fears that come about in the material world that we all experience. It can be difficult to separate one from the other as the two groups often overlap. With self-examination and careful thinking you can recognise your own particular fears and discover the extent to which each of them exists within you.

Fears of the mind

These can bring us confusion, pain and stop us from changing the way we think, feel and act.

1. Fear of being yourself

All the following 11 fears originate from this one. The experience of truly knowing yourself is scary for some people – it is life-changing. By acknowledging and understanding this fear we heal all the others.

2. Fear of other people

Most of us have experience being scared of another person at some point in our lives. Let’s face it, a lot of the violence, terrorism and evil in this world is as a result of countries and religions being scared of other countries and religions! When we are no longer afraid of others we gain love of ourselves and a love of all living creatures.

3. Fear of power & control

All power and control which is not motivated by the best of intentions will always be artificial and this will be a burden to those who use it. Even power and control over yourself will hold you back if you don’t share it with others through lack of kindness and generosity.

4. Fear of love

A lot of people are scared of falling in love especially if they have had a previous bad experience. There are also people who long to be in love yet are worried that they will be rejected once the other person discovers their shortcomings. It’s when you find the courage to love fully that you are participating in life completely.

5. Fear of loneliness

If you are afraid of being on your own it means you have not yet discovered the joy of your own company. To be happy and content around other people you firstly need to be happy and content with yourself.

6. Fear of fear itself

For some people their greatest fear is fear itself! To avoid it they become isolated and lonely and hold back from taking part in life. The Tibetan Bon tradition states this fear of fear is not prompted by any outside factor even if you feel it is.

7. Fear of death & dying

Life is fragile and we all know that nothing lives forever. What we need to change however is our perception that death is a bad thing.
Fears of the material world

These are the fears that stop us from living successfully and harmoniously in our daily lives.

8. Fear of success & failure

Some people are scared of success because not only have their dreams come true but they now have to take responsibility for their success. It is exactly the same for failure – when we fail we have to accept and take responsibility for the loss of our dreams. Some people never allow themselves to succeed or fail so great is their fear of both. The only way to overcome this fear is to try and understand why you need and deserve either your success or your failure. From this understanding comes serenity which is far more valuable than either success or failure.

9. Fear of poverty & wealth

The desire to have a lot of money comes from feeling unsafe in the world whilst the fear of poverty comes from feeling in constant danger. Both situations can create anger for they come from the desire to control the material world. However, it is virtually impossible to change the material world when you are in a state of fear. To heal either fear it is important to understand what you have in the world and why and to learn how to use it skilfully. Poverty can be overcome but if your fear of poverty is driving you to make money it will ultimately cause harm to your personality.

10. Fear of the future & what it will bring

Most of us have moments when we are afraid of what the future may bring. This comes from dissatisfaction and the inability to be content with what we have emotionally and spiritually. We have this fear when we are not fully aware of the value of life that we have now. We need to take time to consider our current life or situation and accept it with all the good and bad aspects. The emotional and spiritual value in our present life is the catalyst for our connection to serenity and once we have this connection the future is nothing to be afraid of.

11. Fear of achievement & self esteem

This fear comes about when we come to believe that achievement and a sense of self esteem are the same thing. People believe that if they achieve more they will raise their self-esteem but at the same time they fear achievement feeling they can’t manage it or cope with it because their self esteem is low. The trick is not to get caught up in this vicious circle. Self esteem is the benefit that you or others will gain from this achievement.

12. Fear of war & illness

Throughout history there has always been war but today the fear of war is more prevalent than it has ever been. This is mainly because TV, radio, newspapers etc are able to bring war into our homes. Years ago this was not the case.

Notes from Reiki Healing Spain The fear of illness is also on the increase as again we are made aware of the many threats of disease that exist. Yes, in the past people lived shorter lives but they had fewer fears of illness or war because they were not forced to confront them on a daily basis via the media.

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What is self esteem?

July 26, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Most people’s thoughts about themselves fluctuate daily based on their everyday experiences. How your friends treat you, how well you have done at something, changes in your romantic relationship can all have a temporary impact on your well-being.

Your self-esteem, however, is something more fundamental than the normal “ups and downs” of everyday life. If someone has healthy self esteem normal “ups and downs” may lead to temporary fluctuations in how they feel about themselves but only to a limited extent. For someone who has poor self-esteem these “ups and downs” can make all the difference in the world.

Where does our self esteem come from?

Self-esteem is largely developed during our childhood. It evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of ourselves through our experiences with different people and activities. When we are growing up, our successes and failures and how we are treated by our immediate family, teachers and our peers all contribute to the creation of our self-esteem.
For example experiences in childhood that lead to healthy self-esteem include:

• Being praised
• Being listened to
• Being spoken to with respect
• Having trustworthy friends
• Experiencing success in school

Experiences that lead to low self-esteem include:

• Being badly criticized
• Being shouted at
• Being ridiculed, teased or ignored
• Experiencing failure in school
• Being expected to be “perfect” all the time

What does your “inner voice” say?

Everything we have experienced in the past is still alive inside us in the form of an “inner voice”. We don’t often “hear” this voice in the same way we would a spoken one but it acts in a similar way, constantly repeating those original messages to us.

For people with healthy self-esteem our inner voice reassures us and sends positive messages. For people with low self-esteem the inner voice becomes a harsh critic constantly criticizing and belittling their accomplishments.

The three “characters” of low self-esteem

Most of us have an image of what someone with low self-esteem looks like but it is not always obvious. Below are 3 examples of types of people who suffer from low self-esteem:

1. The Impostor – this person always acts happy and successful but is actually terrified of failing. They need continuous success to maintain their mask of positive self-esteem and this can lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition and ultimately burn-out.

2. The Rebel – this person acts as if the opinions of others – especially important or powerful people – don’t matter. They always need to prove that other’s criticisms or judgements don’t hurt and they carry around a lot of anger about not feeling “good enough”. This can lead to problems like blaming others all the time, breaking the law or rules or fighting against authority.

3. The Loser – this person is unable to cope with the world and they wait for someone to come to the rescue. They tend to use self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing their life. This can lead to problems such as under-achievement, excessive reliance on others in relationships or lacking any assertiveness skills.

Consequences of low self-esteem

• It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased chances of developing depression
• It can cause problems with relationships and friendships
• It can seriously impair job and academic performance
• It can lead to underachievement and an increased vulnerability to alcohol or drug abuse

How to improve your self-esteem

Before you can even attempt to improve your self-esteem you must first believe that you can change it and also you must need to want to change it. Change doesn’t happen overnight and is not always easy but it can happen! Once you have accepted that you have the power to do something there are 3 steps you can take to begin to change your self-esteem.

1. Challenge the inner critic – here are typical examples of the inner critic’s voice and how you can challenge what it is saying:

Inner critic: Unfairly harsh – “People said they liked what I did but it was nowhere as good as it should have been. I can’t believe no-one noticed all the mistakes I made” Challenge: Be reassuring – “They really liked it. Maybe it wasn’t perfect but I did a good job. I am proud of myself. This was a success”

Generalising unrealistically – “I got a really low mark in this test. I am such an idiot, I don’t understand anything. I shouldn’t be doing this course” Be specific – “I didn’t do as well on this test but I have done ok on the others. There are some things I don’t understand yet but I have done well in other classes that were just as tough as this”

Makes leaps of illogic – “He is frowning at me. He hasn’t said anything but I know it means he doesn’t like me” Think it through logically – “Ok, he’s frowning but it may have nothing to do with me, he could have something worrying him – maybe I should ask him?”

Turning everything into a catastrophe – “She turned me down for a date. I’ll never find a partner. I’ll always be alone” Be objective – “That was a bit embarrassing. Still, I know I’m a nice and attractive person. I’ll find someone else”

It sounds so simple doesn’t it? But you would be surprised at how many people find it difficult to challenge their inner critic! With practice it can be done….

2. Look after and value yourself – you are a deserving and competent person who deserves the best out of life. If you introduce the following tips into your life you will feel a lot better about yourself:

• Get enough sleep, eat healthily, take regular exercise, practice good hygiene
• Go to the cinema, take a nap, have a massage, adopt a pet, spend some time in the garden – DO WHAT YOU ENJOY
• Spend time with positive friends, compliment yourself for achieving something, buy yourself something
• Remind yourself of your strengths/achievements, keep a list of all the things you like about yourself, keep mementos of things you have achieved where you can see them, keep a “success” file of any certificates/awards etc you have and refer to it on a regular basis
• If you make a mistake, just forgive yourself and move on. None of us are perfect!
• “Fake it” until you can “make it” – when you continue to treat yourself well you will feel better about yourself even if initially you don’t believe you deserve it.

3. Get help from others – this is not always easy for people with low self-esteem as they feel they don’t deserve help. However, since low self-esteem is often caused by how others have treated you in the past, you may need the help of others in the present to challenge negative past experiences.

• Ask for support from friends – ask them to tell you what they like about you or what they think you do well
• Ask someone to just listen whilst you “vent” your feelings for a while without trying to “fix” things
• Ask for a hug
• Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they do and why

Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or difficult to overcome that the help of a therapist or counsellor is needed.

Tip from Reiki Healing Spain: One of the advantages of talking to a therapist or counsellor is that you can say anything in a confidential environment without being judged or having your feelings dismissed as “silly”.

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