One day you notice an odd shaped mole on your leg for the first time and you think to yourself “I should get that checked in case it’s cancerous” and you make a mental note to book an appointment with your doctor. That is a sensible reaction. But what if you check it again an hour later and then an hour after that and then an hour after that? Every time you check that mole your brain registers that nothing has changed and therefore it must be all the checking that is keeping the potential cancer at bay. You need to retrain your brain by gradually cutting down your checking of anything – did you lock the door, did you switch the oven off, did you send that important email and so on. When you feel the urge yet again to check your “sent” folder, get up and do something else instead. At first, you may find it difficult but after a few days you will find you have less of a desire to “just make sure” so regularly. What will then happen in your brain is that the action of checking will no longer be connected to the positive result.

CONFIRM ONCE AND THEN MOVE ON………….

2. Putting things off

Guess what? Procrastination is just another form of worrying. When you procrastinate, you put off doing things you don’t feel totally comfortable doing or are anxious about, instead of getting on with them. For example, you have overspent on your debit card but you are scared to check your bank balance; you put off looking until the very last minute and then get charged because you have gone over your overdraft. No one can blame you for not wanting to face a big overdraft but ignoring important issues just makes your anxiety worse. You need to ask yourself what the cost and benefit will be of facing what you dread now. It may be that you get some bad news but at least you will know what you are dealing with sooner rather than later, when the situation may be harder to change.

Another way to avoid procrastination is to tackle the things you hate to do first thing in the morning therefore leaving an entire worry-free day ahead of you!

FACING YOUR FEARS HEAD-ON ALLOWS YOU TO STOP WORRYING…

3. Practice, practice and more practice

Being well prepared is a good way to gain confidence before entering into any stressful situation. However, there is such a thing as trying to be too perfect. For example, if you hate speaking in public you rehearse your speech for hours. The good news is that your speech goes really well but the bad news is that you feel mentally drained afterwards! The point I am making here is that you could have been just as prepared after 3 hours practice instead of spending 10 hours practising. With those extra 7 hours you could have done something else which was a lot more relaxing.

To prevent yourself from overdoing it, set a limit from the beginning on how much time you are going to spend on a particular project. If you still feel the need to prepare more after your time limit, remind yourself of the work you have already done. Then, when you experience success without a huge investment of time you will begin to trust yourself and your strengths more.

LISTEN FOR, AND TRUST, THE INTERNAL CLUES THAT TELL YOU YOU HAVE PREPARED ENOUGH…..

4. Think it over….and over…..and over….

Ruminating or mulling over a problem or decision over and over again is something that women in particular are very good at (sorry ladies!). When you ruminate about something it is because there is some reality you just can’t swallow. For example, you hit if off with someone you’ve recently met and arrange to meet again but they never ring. Why not? You sit there going through all these different scenarios as to why they never rang, searching for a clear answer.
People who regularly ruminate believe that if they keep thinking things through, it will all eventually make sense. The reality is some things never make sense!! It is important to recognise and remind yourself that there is a limit to what you are able to know and understand or control.

I very often meet people who say to me “I am a born worrier and will never change”. Believe me, if you genuinely want to stop spending your life worrying about everything, try out some of the advice in this article and you will see a difference!

Counselling Spain says: There are people in this world who want to spend their lives worrying about everything; that is their choice so you need to respect it and let them get on with it…. after all WHY WORRY ABOUT IT?

Worry can motivate you to do things like warning your children not to talk to strangers or double-checking directions to get somewhere- these reactions are pretty normal. Worry only becomes ineffective when, for example, you are still contemplating getting lost even though you have mapped out your route and printed out the directions. In other words you have taken steps to insure a positive outcome yet you still spend time and energy on expecting a negative result.

There are ways to reduce how much you worry about things. It takes practice but what it boils down to is changing how you think about the world and really believing that tomorrow is going to bring something great not something awful.

Here are a few of the most common ways in which we worry along with simple advice to help put worry behind you.

1. Seeking constant reassurance

There is no harm in getting a second opinion about something but asking for it repeatedly is not useful. This is because it’s easy to second-guess any answer you get especially if you doubt yourself to begin with. For example you are worried that your partner no longer finds you attractive so you ask them. They reply (hopefully!!) “Of course I find you attractive” but you’re not convinced so you ask them again…and again…and again…

No reply they give provides you with the absolute certainty you need; at this point you need to stop and ask yourself why you are not taking the answer at face value. Are you hoping to validate your fears? At the end of the day the answer you have been given is the only one you are going to get so accept it then take steps that will help you believe in yourself – without having to rely on feedback from others.

ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL, AND WORK ON WHAT YOU CAN…..

2. Ignoring your worries

Maybe you fear losing your partner? When the thought pops up, you put it right out of your mind. By not allowing yourself to think about this fear for even a second you think you are not worrying about it. In reality what you are actually doing is reinforcing your fear by not facing it….
Repeat to yourself “It is always possible that I may lose my partner”; your anxiety levels will shoot up at first but, after a few minutes, you will calm down as the thought loses its power. By doing this you will discover that because you are thinking about the worst-case scenario it doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen.

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEARS AND YOU WILL REDUCE THEIR POWER….

3. Arming yourself with irrelevant information

It’s a good idea to gather as much information as you can about something that is bothering you but the value of it depends on the type of information you have collected. For example, if you are worried about flying and Google “plane crashes” you will find lots of information about terrible accidents. But what if you looked for “safe plane landings” instead? It is called Confirmation Bias – wanting to prove your fear is real and then finding information that confirms it. You need to ask yourself “Am I collecting useful information or am I just confirming my fear?”

Holistic Therapies Spain says: WEIGH UP THE VALUE OF YOUR SOURCES AND ALWAYS THINK ABOUT BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY….